Games: Defeat

 

After coming home from a long day of work, I unwind by playing video games. Throughout the day, there is a victory rush and satisfaction I'm looking forward to. I plan on playing only for an hour or so; enough to feel satisfied and then spend time on productive projects. But things don't always go as planned, and I may end up more stressed than I was before...

From an evolutionary standpoint, we all seek challenge and dominance over our rivals. We are proud when we can defeat our enemies and seize their resources. This predatory attitude drove humans to hunt animals, conquer enemy tribes, and wage wars. It's no coincidence that most video games are based on combat and warfare.  

Whenever we start a game, we accept the risk that we might lose. Without the risk or challenge, the idea of victory is far less valuable. Unlike other hobbies like drawing, cooking, or fishing, playing a game requires a winner and a loser. 

Defeat! 

Typically, I prefer relaxed games that are steady and predictable, like Path of Exile or Diablo. These games reward time investment, so any amount of time spent playing is progress. The opponents in these games are AI-controlled, so the burden of loss is conveniently factored out. The AI enemies won't rage or complain on forums; they were designed to be defeated. 

Lately, my 'main' game has been League of Legends (LoL); exclusively the "All-Random, All-Mid" (ARAM) gamemode. This mode is more casual and less-toxic, but still has a satisfying power progression and gameplay. Due to the randomness of champions and player skill levels (both teammates & enemies) the probability of victory is a coin flip. 

When it comes to competitive player-versus-player games, things get more personal. I'm not a competitive person, but I've still enjoyed these games for many hours. The human element allows for more mind games, strategy, outplays; an overall higher skill ceiling and variability. 

The more time invested into a skill, the more crushing it becomes to experience failure. I've invested zero time into playing basketball, so it means nothing to me when I lose in a game of basketball. But getting beat at a game that I've spent hundreds of hours practicing and studying, cuts far deeper. 

Sadly, the sting of defeat is more memorable than numerous victories. If I'm playing well, it feels routine and what "should" be happening. But it feels humiliating when I'm the chump that's getting outplayed. What's worse is knowing there are other players actively judging your performance, and have no issues berating you. 

Gamer's Fallacy 

I've been trying to be efficient with my personal time, so that means budgeting carefully between relaxation and productivity. Unfortunately, more time had been spent in the latter. There is a troubling fallacy that I have when playing:

Each ARAM game is about 25 minutes; which follows 1 of 4 scenarios: 

• I'm the team MVP and I drove the team to victory. 10/10, awesome sense of satisfaction
• I'm the team MVP but we lost anyways due to poor teammates. 7/10, feels bittersweet.
• I'm useless, but I got carried to victory. 4/10, an empty victory. 
• I'm useless, and our team lost. 1/10, feels bad.

I find myself playing games until I can feel that 10/10 satisfaction. However, I need self-control to not queue into another game, and then risk experiencing a game ending with unsatisfying results. This perpetuates until I've spent way too much time playing. 

I have to self-reflect and wonder why it's so important for me to be "good". There's no actual benefit from winning the game. Even if I fully invested myself into the game, I doubt I'd ever become a professional-level player. What's more important is that I'm enjoying my relaxation time, so that I can be more efficient in other parts of my life. And perhaps guaranteeing satisfaction through easier predictable games would be the reliable path. Maybe the best move is not playing at all. 

If "Defeat" is frustration, but the "Victory" is joyless, it's a waste of time

Conclusion

The rush of victory is fleeting. Endlessly pursuing victory in a game is ultimately pointless, since victory or defeat won't impact anything except your own mood. Even worse is knowing that personal time was wasted on something frustrating and demoralizing. There'll always be someone better, and that's okay. It's more important to just enjoy the gameplay itself, and not worry about things that cannot be controlled.

 Time enjoyed isn't time wasted, but time spent frustrated is definitely wasted.